Go Fish
by Grievous daydreamer
Summary: Hidan and Kakuzu unravel the intricacies of bounty-hunting in a casino.


Hello! I have returned, 7 months after Pet Hates, to try my hand at another Hidan and Kakuzu one shot. ^^; It's my first attempt at suspense, be nice. Also, I have no idea what sparked this off. I got the idea months ago.

**Warning**: May contain moments of dodgy poker playing, confusing obscurity, general obscenity and meaningless extras.

Oh yes, and they're just wearing plain jackets instead of cloaks in this. For some reason they're in disguise. *****shifty eyes *

**Disclaimer!** Make up one.

'Tis a long one, enjoy~

Go Fish

Flashing neon lights glinted off the two strangers' hitae-ate. Dressed in black overcoats, faces hidden behind strips of paper hanging from bamboo hats, their daunting presence in the lively and raucous town had a similar effect over passers-by as a miniature black hole. They were intimidated, frightened, but inexplicably (or to be more accurate, drunkenly) drawn to them.

A number of scantily clad women from the pleasure houses skirted nearer and nearer to the two, recognising the scent of money from the taller one.

While it was true that these particular women had sharp noses, the two's location was a place that constantly gave out a message of easily spent wealth.

They were standing, in disinterested contemplation, at the doors to a casino.

The shorter one made a sudden movement, and his audience drew back. He swept his bamboo hat off and placed it inside his overcoat in one fluid movement, revealing a shock of groomed, grey hair, the bright lights causing the pupils of his amethyst eyes to contract.

He seemed unaware that he held the attention of everyone on the busy street, blatantly ignoring everything around him but this garish, god-forsaken rat's nest that dared call itself Kage's Palace.

"You have got to be fucking kidding me."

He whirled around to face his partner; his glare sending a few of the weaker willed prostitutes backtracking.

"You think he's here? What self-respecting psychopath would waste slaughter time in this hellhole? Shit."

The other figure, still shrouded, an enigma to his surveyors, replied calmly.

"Not all homeopaths think like you Hidan."

Hidan looked away, exasperation in his skyward facing eyes. His right arm travelled along his back, reaching out and grasping nothing,

"This sucks. I feel naked without my-"

"Shut up, Hidan. You'd never pass as harmless with that monstrosity hanging on your back."

A green eye appeared from behind the bamboo.

"It's almost like you're compensating for something."

Several more curious bystanders back away as Hidan's fury radiated across the street. Livid, he maintained enough self-control as to only knock his partner's hat off.

"Like you're not overcompensating with all those tentacles, Kakuzu!"

Kakuzu, face still hidden by mask and hood, raised a hand for silence, his fluorescent green eyes betraying the slightest hint of annoyance.

"Enough Hidan. You're scaring the villagers."

Hidan threw a glance at the remaining whores.

Kakuzu strode purposefully towards the glass double doors of the casino, and pushed them open, revealing rows upon rows of card tables, slot machines, roulette boards, and a myriad of gamblers.

"We have a job to do."

"Tch."

The glass doors were shut violently as the entered, the force sending the last disappointed women back to the street corners.

…

Kakuzu and Hidan silently wound their way around the excited throngs of newcomers, took a left at the bar, and continued on to the main hall. Kakuzu evidently knew where he was going and Hidan followed close behind, oblivious to the tourist expression plastered on his face.

His gaze wandered from the elaborately decorated pillars, to the various shinobi statues, to the expensively dressed guests, to the trays of cocktails guarded by stereotypical English butlers, and finally rested on a group of seedy gentlemen engrossed in an equally seedy-looking card game.

He glanced at Kakuzu, who had stopped and was peering round the hall with a hunter's look in his eyes.

"Oi, Kakuzu-"

"Shut up."

His eyes had stopped roving and had fixed themselves on his poor unfortunate prey, a tuxedoed middle aged man contentedly wandering out of the slots room.

Hidan's eyes followed, but soon lost interest and didn't complete the journey. He put his hands on his hips and looked meaningfully at the bar.

"You know, you didn't even tell me what this guy looks like."

He turned to give his partner his characteristic unimpressed face, but Kakuzu was already halfway across the room, flitting from pillar to pillar with age old expertise. The gamblers didn't spare him a glance. Hidan drooped, before reluctantly tracing Kakuzu's footsteps.

"This is retarded… How the hell am I suppose to help if I don't know what this freak looks like?"

Picking his way round the pillars to the side hall, he caught sight of Kakuzu turning the corner, a determined look in his eye. He made to follow, but his foot connected with something small and round. He heard a crack. Startled, he lifted his foot to reveal a shattered chip, its pieces already sinking into the thick carpet.

"Hey asshole! That's 10 ryou you just smashed!"

Hidan jerked his head towards the noise. It came from the group of card players he'd spotted earlier, though this time, the nearest looked more suspiciously murderous than before.

"What the hell do I care? If you wanted it so badly, don't drop it on the floor, bastard!"

One of the older players sniggered.

"Wow Keita, someone who speaks your language," remarked the balding gent, surveying Hidan through tinted glasses. Keita huffed, rolling his eyes at his companion.

"Sure he talks big, but can he bet bigger?"

Smirking, he flicked the deck at Hidan.

…

Kakuzu groaned inwardly as he saw his bounty money fly acrobatically up three flights of stairs. He leaned against the wall, the fleur-de-li darkening a little from his sweat. He'd chased this pain in the ass twice around the place already, up those same stairs once before, around the bar several times, through the gaps in the slot machines and finally on the roof, where they had both jumped and conveniently landed back where they started. The little shit wasn't even panting yet. Kakuzu felt like he was being played with, and it infuriated him.

And where the bloody hell was Hidan?

He was supposed to be helping.

Kakuzu half glanced over his shoulder, believing for a brief moment that the idiot would be standing behind him.

…

Hidan looked on in indifference as the man continued his card tricks.

"Are you going to amuse yourself with them all night or are you going to do something worth my time?" he spat, hand straying absently to the pocket containing his pikes.

Keita stopped immediately, and the cards returned to his hand. He leaned forward again.

"That depends…"

He paused for effect, and the scarred player to his left rolled his eyes.

"… Do you play?"

"No," Hidan replied bluntly, "But I learn quick."

He dragged a chair over and deposited it across from Keita.

The five other players' eyes lit up.

Fresh meat.

Keita swivelled round to face them, amused eyes lingering momentarily on Hidan.

"No chips in this round. Hope you got some money in that coat of yours, stranger."

…

Kakuzu clenched his fists in triumph. His bounty must have thought he'd lost him and had slowed, finally coming to a stop outside the gents. He was mopping his forehead with a multicoloured hankerchief.

Kakuzu pounced.

The next thing the man in the tux knew were the cold and slightly sticky tiles pressing into his face. Or rather, his face pressing into them. And of course, the large, menacing, heavy shadow that had jumped on him.

He heard the crackle of hardened skin balling itself into a fist and gulped, sweat beading his already damp forehead.

"W-wait! I didn't mean it! It was an accident, I swear-"

A small note. Kakuzu doesn't like talkers, hence his stormy relationship with Hidan. Kakuzu is also the type who shoots first, and asks questions later. Which means that quite a few people have met untimely deaths while within his attack range, for something as irrelevant as greeting him too early, or appearing without warning.

With that in mind, it should be noted that the man on the floor should have been terminated approximately 6 seconds ago.

But something about the tone of his voice caused Kakuzu's fist to freeze in mid-air. The pile of cheap tux was still babbling, and with a sinking feeling in his hearts, he stood up and roughly kicked the wretch over so as to get a clear look at his face; a face he didn't recognise.

Kakuzu's blood pressure spiked.

It was the wrong person.

The man got shakily to his feet, using the wall to support himself.

"Please – good sir – let me go! It was just a joke! A slip of the hand-"

"What are you talking about?"

Kakuzu's tone raised gooseflesh.

"The-the juggling – the pickpocketing-"

The hardened hand came out again, and Kakuzu slammed him against the wall, making him whimper.

"Look, we've both got the wrong person here. I don't care what you do if you don't have a price on your head."

The man paled.

"Bounty-"

"I'm not inclined to let people live, but I'm in a hurry."

Kakuzu let go of his neck, and the juggler fell weakly to the ground. Kakuzu motioned to the side with his head. With a strangled yelp, the man scrambled to his feet and stumbled away. Kakuzu looked back at the spot where he had lain before walking away; the man had left a small scrap of brightly coloured material behind.

…

Five pairs of eyes darted, paranoid and watchful, from the cards in front of them to the faces of the players. The sixth pair, however, were fixed on their own cards, and turning steadily more puzzled as their owner tried to remember what this combination meant.

Hidan glanced up. It was Bald's call.

Since no names had been exchanged, bar Keita – in fact, he knew as little about them as they did him, except that Keita was an ass- he'd given names to each of the other four players. The two older ones were Bald and Quiet, and the younger two, Scar and Idiot. Keita would have been Asshole, or Lanky.

Scar sighed.

"I shouldn't…but I'll call."

Crap. He'd had missed what Bald said.

Keita was smirking again. Hidan tried his hand at looking indifferent again. His beginner's luck was holding, if you believed in that stuff. Keita dumped a wad of notes on the table.

"I'll raise you…"

Hidan blinked. It was his call. He eyed the pile of money warily, trying to remember what Jashin said about gambling.

Whatever. It was Kakuzu's money anyway.

"I'll call."

Keita's smirked widened, and Hidan mimicked it sarcastically.

"Hey guys-"

Idiot lifted a card out of his hand.

"How much is this one worth again?"

Scar smacked his forehead, sighing loudly, and Bald merely laughed. Quiet did nothing. Keita, his annoyance palpable, reached over and slapped the Joker out of his hand.

"Stupid shit! Piss off!"

Idiot slunk away, looking hurt.

One down, four to go.

"Deal again!"

…

Kakuzu walked slowly back to main hall. He'd had a good look at the wanted poster, there was minimal risk of him mistaking his target again. But he was certain that they were here. Nonetheless, his hearts were low as he entered the brightly lit room. The number of people in the crowded hall was steadily increasing as the night went on. He couldn't even see Hidan, let alone recognise their bounty. Grumbling unintelligibly, he stalked back out, glaring two bouncers into submission. He took the stairs slowly, cursing his luck on this job. Kakuzu wasn't used to failure. He reached the balcony of the second floor, one that skirted the edge of the hall below, giving him the perfect vantage point.

He leaned over the edge suddenly, eyes wide and brows knotted. Hidan – that lazy son of a bitch was playing cards-

His blood ran cold.

-With _his _money.

He meant it this time. He was going to kill that motherfucker.

"Spotted your girlfriend?"

Kakuzu, eyes burning with bloodlust, turned slowly. Out of the corner of his eye, he caught sight of a dark haired woman in a long red dress, eyeing with amusement. She had a small, crown-shaped brooch on her left shoulder strap, and looked harmless enough. And she was wisely out of range.

"Wouldn't be the first time someone's lost someone else to the slots. How much has she cost you?"

Kakuzu's eyes narrowed.

"It's a he. And we're not close."

He paused before muttering, "And gods know how much-"

She walked over and cast a look down.

"You brothers?"

"Business partners," he said icily.

The woman shivered, as if caught by a sudden chill.

"Well he's-" she jerked a thumb toward a gaudy stage near the slot room, "costing me a month's wages, and my dignity. We're supposed to be going out-"

There seemed to be a mudslinging contest taking place. A large crowd had gathered around the two combatants, and sitting on a makeshift throne was a large man, thumping his fist off the arm of the chair and tossing money blindly at the two women in the ring.

"-but he's too caught up with those tramps…"

Kakuzu could feel the weight of the woman's killer stare, and began to feel slightly uncomfortable.

…

Another round. Hidan had lost count of the amount of ryou he'd 'borrowed'. It was Kakuzu's fault for giving him their latest bounty money to keep safe. Bigger pockets, my ass…

"I'll raise you, Baldy."

He threw a couple more notes on the board. That pile was getting pretty impressive, he and Keita had both raised on this round, not to mention the last three…

He had to admit, it was getting fun. Smirking, he flicked through his cards. A Queen straight. Sweet.

"Let's see your cards, bastards."

Four sets of five were thrown down.

Hidan blanched.

"No fucking way."

Keita grinned.

"Way."

He had a King straight. Hidan gaped at him. Quiet and Scar said nothing.

"You giant bastard."

The pile dwindled.

Bald leaned back, his chair teetering on two legs.

"Gentlemen, I'll have to leave it there, I'm afraid."

Scar looked nervous.

Hidan made chicken noises.

"Misers. Take those notes from your ass and bet, wusses."

Scar took the chance to scuttle away while Bald shrugged his shoulders.

"Sorry guys, I've got a family to feed."

"That's not an excuse-"

"I'll play again."

Hidan cocked an eyebrow. It was Quiet who'd spoken. Even Keita looked surprised.

"But you've lost on every round, man. Take a break."

"I'm playing."

Hidan and Keita shrugged. Keita dealt again.

"Whatever. It's your funeral."

…

Kakuzu was trying hard to think of something else to discuss. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned…

His mind returned to the reason he was here. He glanced at the woman again.

"Look – I'm up here searching for someone. A valuable someone."

Her dangerous aura faded, replaced by nonchalance.

"You're a bounty hunter."

"Right."

"You'd be here for Ace, then?"

Kakuzu gave a start.

"You're quick."

"You know how many hunters have died trying to get him before you? He's dangerous."

"I'm a lot harder to kill than them."

"Oh I believe it, big boy,"

"Where is he?"

She turned away, laughing to herself.

"You were staring right at him."

Kakuzu whirled around.

"What?"

She looked at him, trying to guess his level of sincerity.

"There."

She pointed at Hidan's table.

"Beside you buddy."

She glanced over at Kakuzu again, and jumped back, swallowing a shriek.

He'd jumped from the balcony.

…

A bead of sweat trickled down Hidan's right temple. He glanced at the other two; Keita looked strangely pensive, and Quiet was unreadable.

Damn.

"Tch."

He couldn't keep it in.

"I'll raise you, Quiet-"

'Quiet' frowned at the nickname.

"-And let's see what you've got, losers!"

Keita huffed, and flung down a Jack flush in disgust. Quiet meekly lay down his Ace flush.

Hidan was all grins. He kicked ass at this game. Glancing at the substantial pile of money on the table, he thought suddenly, Kakuzu's gonna have heart failure when he sees that.

"Bawl your brains out, losers."

He smirked and threw down his cards.

"Royal straight flush."

There were a few moments of stunned silence from Keita, and the usual silence from Quiet.

"What the fuck?! We didn't even teach you that one!"

Hidan shrugged nonchalantly.

"A guy on one of the other tables had it. Keep your pants on, asshole."

Keita was seething with anger. Quiet looked thoroughly miffed.

That's not possible…there aren't that many duplicate in the deck."

"So I used the other one too, duh."

"WHAT? I'LL KILL YOU!"

Hidan barely had time to register the gun in Keita's hand before the maniac started firing rounds at his head. Cursing, he ducked under the table, rueing the loss of his scythe. Quiet gave a start. There seemed to be a large, menacing, and possibly heavy shadow growing on the table. A second later, Kakuzu landed heavily on the board, smashing it, sending the winnings everywhere, and almost crushing Hidan. There were occasional distant screams as the casino emptied.

"So you decided to do something useful."

Hidan hoisted himself out of the wreckage.

"What the hell, Kakuzu? What kind of an entrance was that?"

Keita was nearly hysterical.

"Shut up, both of you weirdos! Die!"

Kakuzu glowered at him and Quiet.

"Dangerous, my ass."

Suddenly, a shot rang out. Keita fell, a bullet passing through his skull. The two Akatsuki leaped backwards, Hidan flinging out a pike.

Quiet swivelled, his revolver turning with him. He looked positively put out. Hidan and Kakuzu froze. This was going to hurt like hell.

Two dead-on shots rang out. The two duly collapsed, Hidan falling back, Kakuzu teetering forward for a bit of variety. Quiet, his face expressionless, sat down, and politely asked a stunned butler for his bill. The poor man ran for it.

"Wow Quiet, didn't think you had it in you to be a serial killer."

Hidan sat up groggily, and spat out a bloodstained bullet. Quiet (or Ace, if you prefer) looked mildly surprised, but said nothing. He reloaded, and his gun did the talking.

"Ow…shit. Can't you just stop when it obviously doesn't work?"

Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang.

"Fuck, that hurts!"

Bang.

Hidan watched with relief as Quiet fell. He turned cringing from neck wounds, until he could see Kakuzu holding Keita's gun aloft.

"Damn, Kakuzu. What took you?"

"I wanted to make sure you suffered first."

"Asshole. But seriously, never would have pinned you for a sharp shooter."

Kakuzu threw the gun to the side and stepped over to get Quiet's body.

"Let's go. You're picking up the dialect."

He tossed the body at Hidan, who caught it lazily, and painstakingly proceeded to put every 100 ryou note into his own sizeable pockets.

Neither of them noticed, but the casino was deserted.

Hidan frowned.

"Hey dickhead, they're my winnings!"

Kakuzu's glare would have frozen magma.

"I'm never trusting you with money ever again."

"I got it back, didn't I?"

"Don't push me. Let's go."

"Alright alright, I'm coming. Bastard."

He turned to leave, but not before sneaking a couple of 500s into his fist.

They crossed the empty hall, picking their way through the overturned tables and major spillages, and out the front door.

Outside was just the way it had been when they arrived, except for possibly more prostitutes. Kakuzu stopped momentarily to get his bearings.

"The nearest bounty station is two days' travel, we'd better get supp-"

He glanced over his shoulder, and blinked, momentarily thrown for a loop.

Hidan was gone, the body was lying at his feet, and the number of prostitutes in the area seemed to have dropped again.

.. .. ..

There is a thin line between subtle and obvious. x_x My undying love to anyone who can guess what the woman's, boyfriend's, juggler's and Keita's names are. :D

Hope you liked. :)


End file.
